


Said And Done

by Icylightning



Category: Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Adopted Peter Parker, Alternate Universe -no powers, Attempt at Humor, Awkward Conversations, Crack Treated Seriously, Embarrassed Peter Parker, F/M, Gen, Misunderstandings, Parent Tony Stark, Peter is a Little Shit, Protective Tony Stark, Second-Hand Embarrassment, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-21
Updated: 2019-05-21
Packaged: 2020-03-08 20:21:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18901960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Icylightning/pseuds/Icylightning
Summary: Pepper asks Tony to have 'the talk' with their teenage son.Yup! That's all I could think of summary.





	Said And Done

**Author's Note:**

> Hi friends!!! This is my first attempt at humor in this fandom. Hope you guys like this one shot. 
> 
> Sorry for mistakes
> 
> Enjoy :-)))

Pepper placed her cell in the handbag and walked inside the living room. The woman hung the bag on her shoulders as she headed for the door "He's fifteen Tony"

Tony looked up from the newspaper, raising his eyebrows in question "Am I suppose to congratulate you on knowing our son's age?"

Pepper gave an eye roll to her husband. A year ago the couple had adopted Peter when his aunt died in a car accident. The boy had always been close to Tony and Pepper since the start of his internship so there was no hesitation in accepting him as a part of their family when he was left all alone in the world "What I'm trying to say is that... maybe it's time for you to.. like you should talk to him"

"About?"

Pepper held her arms on her waist, sighing in frustration "Oh C'mon Tony! You know what I mean... have 'the talk' with Peter.. about what men do? He's going to need to learn soon and I think today's the perfect opportunity"

Tony frowned "What's so special about today? Is it 'Give your son the talk' day again?"

"Tony..."

The billionaire waved his hand off "Peter is a smart kid. He'll learn it on his own"

"I know Peter is a smart boy but he is also our son and our responsibility now, so I would like to raise him like a perfect gentleman" Pepper argued back "Besides he's been grounded for a week. He's got nothing to do other than his school work and read comics. I'll be back in an hour..."

"Wait so you're not going to be there?"

"Tony this conversation should be between a father and his son. I'm sure you'll pass with flying colours" Pepper smiled placing a kiss on his husband's lips "All the best. See you soon"

Tony sighed in defeat "Fine. I'll go talk to him"

 

 

 

Tony walked towards Peter's room, pausing at the door handle for few seconds. He braced himself for the awkward conversation he was going to have with his teenage son. The older man took a deep breath and turned the knob. As expected he found the kid lying on his stomach, legs dangling in the air as he read one of his comic book "Hey"

Peter was startled at his father's voice "Dad! You scared me" he sat upright and crossed his legs. Tony came forward and sat down on the edge of the bed "We need to talk"

Peter's eyes twinkled with curiosity "About?"

Tony interwined his fingers, then unfolded them and lastly settled on crossing them over his arms "You're fifteen now"

"Should I congratulate you on knowing your son's age?" Peter grinned looking at his father

Tony glared slightly at his own words being thrown at his face "...and I think we should have 'the talk' about what men do"

Peter's eyes widened a little. Ofcourse being a teenager he knew what 'the talk' meant. If he had to sum up in three words it would be 'Have safe sex'

"Now ofcourse you could've already started doing it but judging by your face, I'd say you haven't"

Peter's face turned crimson within seconds and he tried to hide his embarrassment by looking down at the sheets "Umm... Dad you really don't need to ..talk.. I already.."

Tony held his hand out "No no Pete. I've to tell you as a responsible father. I know you don't have any experience but when all is said and done, you'll become like a pro. I had already started by the time I was at your age"

Peter's eyes widened "What?"

"Not because I excelled greatly in everything but because I didn't want to look like a werewolf due to lack if doing it" Tony smriked at his own words and continued "You're growing up now and soon will join college so you should start doing it everyday"

Peter's mouth hung open in shock "Eve...Everyday?"

Tony shrugged "All men do it everyday...well most of the men. Anyways if you don't do it...it might get... hairy and it's very uncomfortable. Trust me I know" he laughed and Peter blinked in slow motion, throat gone dry like a desert starving for rain

"The first few times you may get it wrong, even make a mess or bleed but don't worry. It will clean off easily. I'll be there for your first time so don't worry too much..."

Peter sprang out of the bed and shrieked "You'll be there!?"

Tony nodded with a smile "I'll always be there kid. Infact we can do it now if you want"

"How in the world can I do it now!? I don't even have a girlfriend...and.."

"Why do you need a girlfriend for this?" Tony asked with confused expression gracing on his face

"...wait that's not even the point!" Peter started pacing "This is crazy Dad! I'm not going to have sex infront of you! Infact I'm never going to have sex after hearing your..."

"Sex!?" Tony jumped up from the bed "Who said I was talking about sex?"

Peter stared at his father and drawled his next word "Youuu weren't?"

"No!" Tony yelled back "I was talking about shaving! That's what men do everyday"

_shaving_

_Oh_

Peter's blush burnt through his cheeks and his face felt like hot oven. He felt very awkward standing infront of his father "Yeah... Ofcourse... shaving.. yeah umm.. we could totally do that.." 

Tony eyed his son for a good minute and then his eyebrows dissapered behind his forehead as realization hit him like tons of bricks "Wait a minute.. Pepper wanted me to talk about.. and I thought... and you... did you actually think I was talking about ..sex?" 

Peter bit his lips holding back his sheepish smile "No?" 

"You're fifteen Peter!" 

Peter pointed at the door and started walking "I'm gonna go now" 

Tony was flabbergasted "You get back here young man! You're not... you hear me? NOT having sex at fifteen! I forbid you! Not happening under my roof.. not until you're thirty" 

"Dad!" came Peter's distinct whine

Tony went behind his son "Oh we haven't even discussed 'those' rules yet. Listen to me very carefully kiddo..." 

Peter locked himself in the bathroom for next forty five minutes, hearing his father ramble a list on do's and don't on sex "This is going to be the longest week ever" he sighed taking a place on the edge of the tub. He leaned forward and could still hear the man talking

"....no late nights..."

"Don't take anything from strangers... they could be drugs" 

"Never drink and drive... well you're not driving until twenty five so that won't be a problem for now" 

"Always use protection. There are some very serious diseases you might catch... oh god.. thirty five.. I think thrity five would be right age for you to have sex" 

"Did I mention about the curfew?"

 

 

THE END :-)))

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. Please leave a comment :-)))


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